The obvious take away here is that you can’t celebrate too early. You can’t start dancing in the end zone unless you are actually in the end zone. The old guy should know that by now. First day stuff really. Well, whatever, I hope to one day enjoy anything as much as the guy filming enjoyed watching that drunk old couple get down the stairs. Thank you Internets.
“As soon as this divorce is over, I’m getting remarried,” he declared after a hearing into his breakup with his spouse of 58 years, who has thus far not agreed to his offer of a 50-50 financial split.Developer Harry Macklowe, 79, was in a joking mood outside a Manhattan civil courtroom Tuesday as he talked about handing his wife, Linda Macklowe, a cool $1 billion so she will sign legal papers freeing him to be with his younger French gal pal.
The giddy real estate mogul then launched into an impromptu comedy set for reporters, telling a string of “Take my wife — please”-style jokes straight from a Henny Youngman routine.
The act included several long quips such as this one:
A husband has been giving his wife incredible pleasure, beyond her wildest fantasies, for 30 years of marriage. But they always have sex with the lights off. One night she gets curious, leans over and flips the light switch on. She is shocked to see that her husband is using a vibrator on her. “I knew it, you jerk, explain the vibrator!” she says. “Explain the kids!” he says.
First off, I would like to go on record and declare that I am normally Team Wife. Seen this scenario a thousand times. The husband and wife have been together for decades, with him bringing in the cash, and her at home raising the kids and being a MILF. Then, at some point, he feels like she doesn’t appreciate all his hard work and sacrifice for the family. Coincidentally, around this time, he just so happens to get some much needed attention from a young secretary or whatever. Meanwhile, the wife may have a few wrinkles (or not, if she is getting those $1800 Botox injections), but she is still taking care of things at home and looks damn good in the yoga pants. Regardless, like your president does every decade or so, the husband kicks the older broad to the curb in exchange for the newer model. That is usually where I come in, to comfort and console all those rejected 40 something MILF’s out there in their time of need. So naturally I am Team Wife, 9 times out of 10 anyway. Continue reading
Don’t pay the ferryman until he gets you to the other side.
The Sweet 16 finalists are in for the MWAG Premier Blog Playoff! Click on the bracket above to vote for which blogs make it the Elite 8. This round ends at 8:00 Friday night. Continue reading
The following are the premier blogs in the Sports Bracket, with links to the original post:
#1 Seed – Top Ten Cubs Games of 2016
Idyt’s definitive list, in order, of the Top Ten Cubs Games of 2016. #1 was easy. The others, not so much.
#2 Seed – Super Bowl “50” My Ass
Idyt registers his profound objection to Super Bowl “L” being called Super Bowl “50”.
#3 Seed – Kentucky Derby Live Blog
Idyt’s live blog with Kool Gregg and the Gang at the Derby.
#4 Seed – WWMD – Official Rules
The official rules for Idyt’s and Seadick’s revolutionary new game WWMD, or What Will Maddon Do, inviting participants to guess the Cub’s starting lineup for each game.
#5 Seed – Golf Course Review — Shadow Creek
SeaDick’s review of Vegas’ “spectacular” Shadow Creek golf course.
Idyt’s response to everyone criticizing sports stars and actors for speaking out about politics.
#7 Seed – Twitter Guessers Aren’t Real
Idyt checks in on the fame people get for predicting wildly improbably events on the Twitter machine.
#8 Seed – WWMD Special Edition – Phillies v. Cubs
Idyt reports antics from the Cubs game with Slim, the Captain and Satan.
The following are the premier blogs in the Music Bracket, with links to the original post:
#1 Seed – Keep Going
Irish Jesus’ manifesto on exploring, finding and experiencing new music, and maybe even life in general.
#2 Seed – Top X Power Ballads
Idyt’s definitive list of the Top 10 power ballads of all time.
#3 Seed – Prince was AWOL from USA for Africa
Idyt notes that Prince wasn’t there when America needed him the most, for We Are the World.
#4 Seed – SeaDick’s Best Albums of 2016
SeaDick reviews the top albums of 2016, in alphabetical order, lest you be tempted to think he might rank them.
#5 Seed – Live Blog – Springsteen Concert
Idyt took a wrong turn and he just kept going, ending up at the Springsteen concert in Louisville, which he live blogged alone like a “looser.”
#6 Seed – Top X Eagles Songs
Idyt’s tribute to the Eagles after the death of Glenn Frey, including a history of the Eagles and their top 10 songs.
#7 Seed – Lost Tracks – Joey by Concrete Blonde
The first of Idyt’s short lived “Lost Tracks” blogs, covering that drunk Joey and the woman who just didn’t understand.
Idyt’s obsession with “We are the World” continued, including the 2010 remake for Haiti, which featured the brunette Stacy Ferguson and sucked balls.
The following are the premier blogs in the Babes Bracket, with links to the original post:
#1 Seed – Top 10 Hottest Robots 2.0
Idyt’s controversial list of the hottest robots ever to grace the screen, revised to include the smoking synths he left off the first list.
Idyt weighs in on the latest yoga pants controversy, and who should or should not be wearing them.
#3 Seed – Valentine’s Day is Stupid, You Guys
Idyt provides a little history on Valentine’s Day, and why it totally sucks.
Idyt’s review of Fergie’s M.I.L.F. $$ video generated the most comments of the year.
SeaDick checks in on Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston.
#6 Seed – Blonde Tracks – Fergalicious by Fergie
Idyt provides a comprehensive Fergie report.
#7 Seed – Wall Posters – Cindy Crawford
Seadick celebrates Cindy Crawford’ 50th birthday.
Idyt gives up on the “Lost Tracks,” just goes with “Blonde Tracks”
The following are the premier blogs in the Bro Stuff Bracket, with links to the original post:
#1 Seed – Merrill’s Marauders
Mongo’s heartfelt tribute to the WWII hero Garb, who saved the world, and Mongo too.
#2 Seed – Video Archives – Sh*t Our Dad Says
Video made by Idyt’s kids of all the shit he says.
Idyt’s thoughtful consideration of whether it is good to find casino chips, or maybe a sign that you have a serious problem. And guidelines on what to do when you find them.
#4 Seed – New Nickname – The Sandman
Idyt’s insightful analysis of nicknames, and how, why and when men give them.
SeaDick’s hot take on cucumber beer and German beer purity laws, including a story about a caddy with “unparalleled situational awareness.”
#6 Seed – One Finger has Gotta Go. Who you got?
Idyt’s ode to each of his individual fingers. And, if he lost one (which he might), which one can go first.
Idyt’s continued obession with nicknames, and how they were affecting the 2016 presidential campaign.
#8 Seed – Enter Sandman
First blog from our resident Trump supporter, The Sandman, putting the pussy libtards to sleep with the rightedness of his views which come directly from God, who is white.
Welcome to our premiere Monkey with a Gun Premier Blog Playoff, wherein we will decide the championship premier blog of the 2016-17 season! 32 of our blogs have been divided into four categories–Bro Stuff, Babes, Music and Sports–where they will compete for your vote to decide the overall champion. Cast your votes here, or click on the bracket above to be directed to the voting website, where you can also click through to read the Top 32 2016-17 Premier Blogs.
Voting will take place starting NOW, with the champion decided next Monday night at 8:00 p.m. Voting closes on each round at the following times:
Round of 32 – March 29 at 8:00 p.m.
Sweet Sixteen – Friday, March 31 at 8:00 p.m.
Elite 8 – Saturday April 1 at 8:00 p.m.
Final 4 – Sunday, April 2 at 8:00 p.m.
Championship – Monday, April 3 at 8:00 p.m.
Good Luck, and may the most premier blog win!
Website here if links won’t work: https://showcase.votion.co/bracket/b40505fc-1325-11e7-ba3a-029f9751820b
He’s watching Xavier (his son is an assistant coach) get waxed by Gonzaga in the Elite Eight.