Seadick just hit me up to get some prop bets down on the “Big Game” tomorrow. I took tails, obviously, and he took the under on the National Anthem, thinking that P!nk’s claim that she got the flu is gonna speed things along. But then when we want to bet on some more, like what color shirt Belichick will wear, or what color of Gatorade gets dumped on the winning coach, we are kinda stuck. Neither of us is going to give the other the advantageous house odds, of course, so what the hell are a couple guys to do.
The problem, per usual, is translating published house odds into bro to bro odds, with no advantage to either side. Well that’s where I come in. I have scoured the Internets collecting odds, and then averaged and rounded the moneyline bets, removing the house advantage factor, and converting that to fractional odds that even idiots and young children can understand. If it was close, I just called it EVEN, or rounded up for the underdog, and moved on, because no reason to overthink it, or anything else, really. Finally, some odds I just made up if the math was too hard, if we are being honest with one another.
So, with those qualifications, the following are the 100% absolutely correct “Bro to Bro” prop bet odds for Super Bowl LII.
Apparently a person is ripped to shreds by a crocodile in North Queensland every three months. And we think we have problems.
While we all have been distracted by tax cuts and pedophiles, the Los Angeles city counsel is trying to ban house parties. Well, not on this bro’s watch. A fella by the name of Chad Kroeger, at least that’s the handle his lovin’ parents gave him, is taking a stand against the ban. I won’t say Chad is a hero, because what’s a hero, but sometimes there’s a man for his time and place, and that’s Chad Kroeger, in Los Angeles.
Chad Kroeger the house party enthusiast makes some great points. How else can a young man gain confidence if he doesn’t have the opportunity to shotgun a tall can of Bud Light in front of the whole squad at a house party? That’s what house parties do! What up counsel.
Nothing reminds you more of your mortality than when one of your Rock and Roll idols shuffles off this mortal coil (that’s a Shakespeare reference Gnoobs). It was a punch to the gut yesterday when I heard the news that Tom Petty had passed away. That was followed by a brief period of hope as I heard that Tom was clinging to life. That news was further punctuated by Tom’s daughter’s response to Rolling Stone’s report that he had passed.
Let this be a warning to not fuck with Tom Petty’s daughter. That would be about as smart as playing Mississippi Stud (or as Mango has renamed it, Mississippi Dumbass). How’d that work out for you Pipes?
Alas, the good news was only temporary, as we lost one of the greatest American rock artists (not band IJ, artist) later in the evening. In any event, I’m not here to make fun of Pipes, well not primarily, but to remember Mr. Petty in the way we do around here at the Monkey, with a list of his greatest. Without further ado, here are the top 5 Tom Petty songs of all time. YMMV.
Had tickets for the U2 Joshua Tree concert in St. Louis on Saturday night but it got cancelled because of the riots. U2 concerts don’t matter, apparently. The stone set in my eyes, and a thorn twisted in my side. Well, by sleight of hand and a twist of fate, I got a call from Mr. Blue saying he was headed for the casino in Michigan City. With nothing to win and nothing left to lose, Ava and I headed for that jewel on Lake Michigan, in the shadow of a nuclear reactor, to meet up with Blue.
So I get there and Blue is into this table game Mississippi Stud, and teaches me how to play. I lost my ass, but I was HOOKED. I downloaded a Mississippi Stud app on the iPad machine, and was up all night Sunday deciding whether to triple up the odds on 3d, 4th and 5th street. Since that abortion on Saturday night, I have played thousands of hands on the computer, and have figured out EXACTLY where I went wrong, and how I will defeat this motherfucker in the future, and by the future I mean in a week and a half when SeaDick, Irish Jesus, Mongo, Kool, Keckie, and allegedly Captain and Butthead, descend on Vegas. So herein I give myself away, I give myself away, and describe how you too will defeat Mississippi Stud, like I will, in a week and a half in Vegas. Continue reading
Absolutely love this guy. The confidence. The attitude. He wasn’t going to take any shit from some dumbass reporter about the “risk to your own safety,” especially a jackass from Fox News. Just starts spitting out meridians and longitudes that the reporter has no fucking clue about. And then when the reporter attempts to demonstrate some understanding of what he is talking, Florida bro doesn’t take any of that shit. Irma is not just heading “westbound,” you simpleton, it is “275 degrees.” Fucking love it. Just owns that dipshit, who can’t get out of there quick enough.
Now, having said that, allow me to be the first to say that every word Florida dude spouted off there was total bullshit. He didn’t know how many miles away Irma was, what direction it was headed or if it might take a turn and flatten Miami Beach. His math was also wrong, because if the hurricane was on a heading of 275 degrees (it wasn’t), that is 5 degrees north of due west, which would be one-eighteenth, not one-fifteenth, of the way to 360 degrees, or true north (5/90=1/18). But that’s beside the point. Florida bro wasn’t trying to be the best at weather predicting, or math, he was trying to be the best at making a reporter look stupid. And he won the Hurricane Irma reporting, at least from what I have seen. Hope he didn’t drown in the storm surge.
It’s that time of year in the golf world where you start assessing your game to try to figure out why you didn’t get your index down from a 13 to a 2. Can’t be due to ability right? Has to be the clubs. Accordingly, both Mango and I got some new irons. I got the new Ping G400s, which, while taking a little while to get used to, I like a lot. Mango got these sweet looking beasts at Club Champion. And when I say “these” I literally mean the ones in the picture. Club Champion is advertising with Mango’s actual irons. Seems like they should have given him a discount or something, just sayin.
In the ongoing effort to drag Pipes out of the 80’s as far as music goes, I bring your attention to The National’s new album, Sleep Well Beast.
It’s great from top to bottom and, Pipes, if that doesn’t get your attention, take note that it rips all over your President.
If you like it, then as an additional bonus, check out the band’s live performance of the album, start to finish, from NPR, which is available for streaming for a limited time.
One bit of warning, play “The System Only Dreams In Total Darkness” at your peril. I can’t get that freaking guitar riff out of my head.
It’s Labor Day and I hope all you working stiffs are getting a little rest, spending time with your family, eating some BBQ and drinking a few of your favorite adult beverages. To celebrate the day, here’s a Labor Day playlist from Spargs. About the only thing missing is Dirty Work by Steely Dan.
As I am sure most of you know, Walter Becker, one half of Steely Dan, passed away on September 3, 2017. He was 67. Here is a Rolling Stone article on his passing. Because ranking things is one of our favorite things here at the Monkey, without further ado, here are the top 10 Steely Dan songs of all time. There can be no argument (and yes Pipes they are ranked, not listed). Continue reading