A Lot of Guys are Team Husband on this Divorce and it is Hard to Disagree

Harry

LINK  – A New York developer is willing to give up half of his $2 billion fortune just to end his messy divorce case — and he can’t stop laughing about it.

“As soon as this divorce is over, I’m getting remarried,” he declared after a hearing into his breakup with his spouse of 58 years, who has thus far not agreed to his offer of a 50-50 financial split.Developer Harry Macklowe, 79, was in a joking mood outside a Manhattan civil courtroom Tuesday as he talked about handing his wife, Linda Macklowe, a cool $1 billion so she will sign legal papers freeing him to be with his younger French gal pal.

The giddy real estate mogul then launched into an impromptu comedy set for reporters, telling a string of “Take my wife — please”-style jokes straight from a Henny Youngman routine.

The act included several long quips such as this one:

A husband has been giving his wife incredible pleasure, beyond her wildest fantasies, for 30 years of marriage. But they always have sex with the lights off. One night she gets curious, leans over and flips the light switch on. She is shocked to see that her husband is using a vibrator on her. “I knew it, you jerk, explain the vibrator!” she says. “Explain the kids!” he says.

First off, I would like to go on record and declare that I am normally Team Wife.  Seen this scenario a thousand times.  The husband and wife have been together for decades, with him bringing in the cash, and her at home raising the kids and being a MILF.  Then, at some point, he feels like she doesn’t appreciate all his hard work and sacrifice for the family.  Coincidentally, around this time, he just so happens to get some much needed attention from a young secretary or whatever.  Meanwhile, the wife may have a few wrinkles (or not, if she is getting those $1800 Botox injections), but she is still taking care of things at home and looks damn good in the yoga pants.  Regardless, like your president does every decade or so, the husband kicks the older broad to the curb in exchange for the newer model.  That is usually where I come in, to comfort and console all those rejected 40 something MILF’s out there in their time of need.  So naturally I am Team Wife, 9 times out of 10 anyway.   Continue reading

Bro Stuff Bracket

Bro Stuff

The following are the premier blogs in the Bro Stuff Bracket, with links to the original post:

#1 Seed – Merrill’s Marauders

Mongo’s heartfelt tribute to the WWII hero Garb, who saved the world, and Mongo too.

#2 Seed – Video Archives – Sh*t Our Dad Says

Video made by Idyt’s kids of all the shit he says.

#3 Seed – Are Found Casino chips a Good Thing, or Nah?

Idyt’s thoughtful consideration of whether it is good to find casino chips, or maybe a sign that you have a serious problem.  And guidelines on what to do when you find them.

#4 Seed – New Nickname – The Sandman

Idyt’s insightful analysis of nicknames, and how, why and when men give them.

#5 Seed – Another Sign of the Impending Apocalypse – Cucumber Beer

SeaDick’s hot take on cucumber beer and German beer purity laws, including a story about a caddy with “unparalleled situational awareness.”

#6 Seed – One Finger has Gotta Go. Who you got?

Idyt’s ode to each of his individual fingers.  And, if he lost one (which he might), which one can go first.

#7 Seed – Ted Cruz Doesn’t Know the First Goddamn Thing About Nicknames, is a Dork

Idyt’s continued obession with nicknames, and how they were affecting the 2016 presidential campaign.

#8 Seed – Enter Sandman

First blog from our resident Trump supporter, The Sandman, putting the pussy libtards to sleep with the rightedness of his views which come directly from God, who is white.

2016-17 Monkey with a Gun Premier Blog Playoff

Bracket 1Bracket 2

Welcome to our premiere Monkey with a Gun Premier Blog Playoff, wherein we will decide the championship premier blog of the 2016-17 season!  32 of our blogs have been divided into four categories–Bro Stuff, Babes, Music and Sports–where they will compete for your vote to decide the overall champion.  Cast your votes here, or click on the bracket above to be directed to the voting website, where you can also click through to read the Top 32 2016-17 Premier Blogs.

Voting will take place starting NOW, with the champion decided next Monday night at 8:00 p.m.  Voting closes on each round at the following times:

Round of 32 – March 29 at 8:00 p.m.

Sweet Sixteen – Friday, March 31 at 8:00 p.m.

Elite 8 – Saturday April 1 at 8:00 p.m.

Final 4 – Sunday, April 2 at 8:00 p.m.

Championship – Monday, April 3 at 8:00 p.m.

Good Luck, and may the most premier blog win!

Website here if links won’t work:  https://showcase.votion.co/bracket/b40505fc-1325-11e7-ba3a-029f9751820b 

 

 

Bro Night Movie Night Review – The Accountant

The Accountant

So we started a new tradition on Wednesday nights that we call “Bro Night Movie Night.”  For Bro Night Movie Night, we pick out what we think might be a good bro movie, make some guy food like pizza or chili or tacos, and then bust balls and ass around for a couple hours watching said bro flick.  All are welcome, assuming you have at least one testicle.  Girls are definitely not welcome, because they would probably try to make us watch “the Notebook” or some shit.  Yea, well screw that, we want to see movies where guys get shot in the face and stuff gets blown up.  

Well, Jesus and Goldie are pissing and moaning because I haven’t blogged about the guy movies we have watched, because apparently I promised to do that at some point.  To shut them up, here is my take on The Accountant.   Continue reading

I Took the Asshole Test and Passed with Flying Colors!

Asshole test article

A woman I know just posted a link on the Twitter machine to the above article, link here.  The article, found on the famous “Your Guide to Love and Relationships” website http://www.LovePanky.com, purports to inform the ladies whether they are dating a complete jerk, and provides a convenient 10 point checklist of assholery.  Although it is not outside the realm of possibilities that she is talking about someone else, let’s assume for the purpose of analysis she is talking about ME.  So, let’s TAKE THE TEST.  Feel free to play along at home. Continue reading

Would You Rather Fight 100 Duck-sized Horses, or One Horse-sized Duck?

I’ve been doing my gob damnedest to avoid watching, talking about or even thinking about the Gorsuch Supreme Court confirmation hearings going on this week out of fear of losing my gob damned mind.  This is of course the Scalia seat, that was President Obama’s constitutional right to fill.  Rather than a reasonable moderate in Merrick Garland, we now have a staunch conservative who won’t answer questions about whether he will overturn Roe v. Wade and protect corporations over people, because of course he will.  Well, you know what else he won’t answer?  Whether he would rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck! Continue reading