LINK – A New York developer is willing to give up half of his $2 billion fortune just to end his messy divorce case — and he can’t stop laughing about it.
“As soon as this divorce is over, I’m getting remarried,” he declared after a hearing into his breakup with his spouse of 58 years, who has thus far not agreed to his offer of a 50-50 financial split.Developer Harry Macklowe, 79, was in a joking mood outside a Manhattan civil courtroom Tuesday as he talked about handing his wife, Linda Macklowe, a cool $1 billion so she will sign legal papers freeing him to be with his younger French gal pal.
The giddy real estate mogul then launched into an impromptu comedy set for reporters, telling a string of “Take my wife — please”-style jokes straight from a Henny Youngman routine.
The act included several long quips such as this one:
A husband has been giving his wife incredible pleasure, beyond her wildest fantasies, for 30 years of marriage. But they always have sex with the lights off. One night she gets curious, leans over and flips the light switch on. She is shocked to see that her husband is using a vibrator on her. “I knew it, you jerk, explain the vibrator!” she says. “Explain the kids!” he says.
First off, I would like to go on record and declare that I am normally Team Wife. Seen this scenario a thousand times. The husband and wife have been together for decades, with him bringing in the cash, and her at home raising the kids and being a MILF. Then, at some point, he feels like she doesn’t appreciate all his hard work and sacrifice for the family. Coincidentally, around this time, he just so happens to get some much needed attention from a young secretary or whatever. Meanwhile, the wife may have a few wrinkles (or not, if she is getting those $1800 Botox injections), but she is still taking care of things at home and looks damn good in the yoga pants. Regardless, like your president does every decade or so, the husband kicks the older broad to the curb in exchange for the newer model. That is usually where I come in, to comfort and console all those rejected 40 something MILF’s out there in their time of need. So naturally I am Team Wife, 9 times out of 10 anyway. Continue reading
The Sweet 16 finalists are in for the MWAG Premier Blog Playoff! Click on the bracket above to vote for which blogs make it the Elite 8. This round ends at 8:00 Friday night. Continue reading
The following are the premier blogs in the Babes Bracket, with links to the original post:
#1 Seed – Top 10 Hottest Robots 2.0
Idyt’s controversial list of the hottest robots ever to grace the screen, revised to include the smoking synths he left off the first list.
#2 Seed – I Gotta Weigh In On the Yoga Pants Controversy
Idyt weighs in on the latest yoga pants controversy, and who should or should not be wearing them.
#3 Seed – Valentine’s Day is Stupid, You Guys
Idyt provides a little history on Valentine’s Day, and why it totally sucks.
#4 Seed – Fergie is Back and She Brought Her Hot Mom Friends
Idyt’s review of Fergie’s M.I.L.F. $$ video generated the most comments of the year.
#5 Seed – Wall Posters – Special Springsteen Edition
SeaDick checks in on Courtney Cox and Jennifer Anniston.
#6 Seed – Blonde Tracks – Fergalicious by Fergie
Idyt provides a comprehensive Fergie report.
#7 Seed – Wall Posters – Cindy Crawford
Seadick celebrates Cindy Crawford’ 50th birthday.
#8 Seed – Blonde Tracks – Heart of Glass by Blondie
Idyt gives up on the “Lost Tracks,” just goes with “Blonde Tracks”
Welcome to our premiere Monkey with a Gun Premier Blog Playoff, wherein we will decide the championship premier blog of the 2016-17 season! 32 of our blogs have been divided into four categories–Bro Stuff, Babes, Music and Sports–where they will compete for your vote to decide the overall champion. Cast your votes here, or click on the bracket above to be directed to the voting website, where you can also click through to read the Top 32 2016-17 Premier Blogs.
Voting will take place starting NOW, with the champion decided next Monday night at 8:00 p.m. Voting closes on each round at the following times:
Round of 32 – March 29 at 8:00 p.m.
Sweet Sixteen – Friday, March 31 at 8:00 p.m.
Elite 8 – Saturday April 1 at 8:00 p.m.
Final 4 – Sunday, April 2 at 8:00 p.m.
Championship – Monday, April 3 at 8:00 p.m.
Good Luck, and may the most premier blog win!
Website here if links won’t work: https://showcase.votion.co/bracket/b40505fc-1325-11e7-ba3a-029f9751820b
Apologies to the bros for going soft and introspective on that last blog, but it had to be done. Thanks for understanding. Anyway, to make it up to you fucks, here’s a blast from the past to clear the mind and cleanse the vas deferens. Fucking STACY’S MOM! Gob damn did she have it going on. Continue reading
A woman I know just posted a link on the Twitter machine to the above article, link here. The article, found on the famous “Your Guide to Love and Relationships” website http://www.LovePanky.com, purports to inform the ladies whether they are dating a complete jerk, and provides a convenient 10 point checklist of assholery. Although it is not outside the realm of possibilities that she is talking about someone else, let’s assume for the purpose of analysis she is talking about ME. So, let’s TAKE THE TEST. Feel free to play along at home. Continue reading
Seems like everybody is banging robots these days. In honor of this technological and sexual achievement, I have prepared this premier blog wherein I designate (in order, per usual) the Top 10 Hottest Robots. Continue reading
Coco de Mer x Pamela Anderson: Take Your Breath Away, by The Full Service from RankinFilm on Vimeo.
As you know, my self assigned duty here at the MWAG blog is to keep track of what’s up with the smokes from back in the day, especially the blonde ones. Well, here’s one that you definitely need to be aware of. Pamela Anderson, of Baywatch, Playboy and sex tape fame, stars in what the internets are calling an “anti-Valentines Day” ad for a sex toy shop called Coco de Mer. Spoiler alert, but the ad features Pamela enjoying Valentines Day (which is real) all by herself with the aid of merchandise purchased from said sex toy shop Coco de Mer. Definitely didn’t see that coming. Continue reading
Kicking off the Blonde Tracks a few days early this year because, well, you guys need to be put on notice of a certain situation that happened last night. And it happened to a blonde, who just happens to sing while being hot, and everything else in the world pretty much sucks. So I decided, what the hell, let’s just kickoff the Blonde Tracks a few days early this year.
As the long time followers of MWAG know, the Blonde Tracks are an award winning feature that helps us get through what is universally recognized as the worst time of the year–that time of year after the Super Bowl (approximately) and before March Madness starts, when you get depressed because football is over and there is nothing fun to do that doesn’t involve being cold, baseball is still a couple months away and there are no good sports to watch that don’t totally blow, and which also includes Valentines Day, which is a real holiday but is stupid, see here, and this year, I am sure, will be an epic disaster of nightmare proportions. If you texted mean and spiteful messages to me until I named a time of year that sucked more, well, I hope you have Ultra-Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder so that you can keep coming up with new and hateful things to say every goddamn day because I could not name a worse time of year. Continue reading