We are getting near the end, but still in that worst time of the year–after the Super Bowl when there are no good sports to watch and there is nothing to do except not get invited to a fancy cotillion where all your friends have a choice between beef and chicken and can spend $200 on a basket of tomatoes that isn’t even full of tomatoes because the bottom was fraudulently stuffed with paper. No worries, because I certainly have better things to do, like clean and wax the basement floor, which is oddly satisfying to me in ways that no one will ever understand. And having time to find that document that just might be worth millions, or maybe even hundreds of millions. Whatever. Life is good!
No better time than this to turn to the Blonde Tracks. So how about another tune from the goddess Dido. Great song here, and I don’t think she has ever been more smoking hot than in this video.
Alotta guys have texted me saying that Dido isn’t that hot, that her face is asymmetrical, and calling her a “Pipes 6.” Well, that is just mean, to both me and her. Fuck those guys. Team Dido all the way.
Here’s a recent Blonde Track to help get through the worst time of the year, which is right now, after the Super Bowl and before March Madness starts up.
Everyone is talking about Fergie’s rendition of the National Anthem the other night at the NBA All-Star game, and not in a good way. Apparently “real Americans” didn’t like Fergie’s version, and are pissing and moaning because she didn’t sing it exactly like they are used to hearing it.Continue reading →
As everyone agrees, this is the absolute worst time of the year, this time after the Super Bowl and before baseball starts. Nothing to do except work, which studies have shown make you a dull boy, or so they say. And if it couldn’t get any worse, you also have to contend with Valentines Day, which is a real holiday, not something just made up by Hallmark, but it still sucks anyway. Plus there is nothing good on TV because Game of Thrones won’t be back for like five years, and you already watched all of the Black Mirror episodes the first 6 hours they were on Netflix. If you do turn on the TV, there is nothing on but fucking Trump and the lying liars in the White House, or guys in tights trying to see who can be a millionth of a second faster to get to the bottom of a hill. Think about it. Why else would they hold the Winter Olympics at this time of year? Obviously its because everything sucks, and there is nothing else to do, which improves their ratings. Continue reading →
So here’s another Blonde Track to help us get through the worst time the year, that time after the Super Bowl until the Wednesday before March Madness starts when I head for Vegas. Nothing at all to do during this time of the year, and if you do find something to do like go to the Purdue-Michigan State game tomorrow, you have to cancel because the National Weather Service has declared all travel “difficult to impossible.” FML. Continue reading →
Well, it is that time of year again. Time to fire up the blogging machine and post some songs by hot blondes to help us get through what is recognized the world over as the absolute worst time of the year. That time of year when football is over, and there are no good sports to watch until March Madness starts up in about six weeks. Absolutely nothing to recommend this time of year, that, not coincidentally, also includes Valentines Day, which everyone agrees SUCKS. Nothing worthwhile to do this time of year except hide in the basement, blog and try to keep warm. Continue reading →
LINK – A New York developer is willing to give up half of his $2 billion fortune just to end his messy divorce case — and he can’t stop laughing about it.
“As soon as this divorce is over, I’m getting remarried,” he declared after a hearing into his breakup with his spouse of 58 years, who has thus far not agreed to his offer of a 50-50 financial split.Developer Harry Macklowe, 79, was in a joking mood outside a Manhattan civil courtroom Tuesday as he talked about handing his wife, Linda Macklowe, a cool $1 billion so she will sign legal papers freeing him to be with his younger French gal pal.
The giddy real estate mogul then launched into an impromptu comedy set for reporters, telling a string of “Take my wife — please”-style jokes straight from a Henny Youngman routine.
The act included several long quips such as this one:
A husband has been giving his wife incredible pleasure, beyond her wildest fantasies, for 30 years of marriage. But they always have sex with the lights off. One night she gets curious, leans over and flips the light switch on. She is shocked to see that her husband is using a vibrator on her. “I knew it, you jerk, explain the vibrator!” she says. “Explain the kids!” he says.
First off, I would like to go on record and declare that I am normally Team Wife. Seen this scenario a thousand times. The husband and wife have been together for decades, with him bringing in the cash, and her at home raising the kids and being a MILF. Then, at some point, he feels like she doesn’t appreciate all his hard work and sacrifice for the family. Coincidentally, around this time, he just so happens to get some much needed attention from a young secretary or whatever. Meanwhile, the wife may have a few wrinkles (or not, if she is getting those $1800 Botox injections), but she is still taking care of things at home and looks damn good in the yoga pants. Regardless, like your president does every decade or so, the husband kicks the older broad to the curb in exchange for the newer model. That is usually where I come in, to comfort and console all those rejected 40 something MILF’s out there in their time of need. So naturally I am Team Wife, 9 times out of 10 anyway. Continue reading →
Welcome to our premiere Monkey with a Gun Premier Blog Playoff, wherein we will decide the championship premier blog of the 2016-17 season! 32 of our blogs have been divided into four categories–Bro Stuff, Babes, Music and Sports–where they will compete for your vote to decide the overall champion. Cast your votes here, or click on the bracket above to be directed to the voting website, where you can also click through to read the Top 32 2016-17 Premier Blogs.
Voting will take place starting NOW, with the champion decided next Monday night at 8:00 p.m. Voting closes on each round at the following times:
Round of 32 – March 29 at 8:00 p.m.
Sweet Sixteen – Friday, March 31 at 8:00 p.m.
Elite 8 – Saturday April 1 at 8:00 p.m.
Final 4 – Sunday, April 2 at 8:00 p.m.
Championship – Monday, April 3 at 8:00 p.m.
Good Luck, and may the most premier blog win!
Website here if links won’t work: https://showcase.votion.co/bracket/b40505fc-1325-11e7-ba3a-029f9751820b
Apologies to the bros for going soft and introspective on that last blog, but it had to be done. Thanks for understanding. Anyway, to make it up to you fucks, here’s a blast from the past to clear the mind and cleanse the vas deferens. Fucking STACY’S MOM! Gob damn did she have it going on. Continue reading →