LINK  – A New York developer is willing to give up half of his $2 billion fortune just to end his messy divorce case — and he can’t stop laughing about it.

“As soon as this divorce is over, I’m getting remarried,” he declared after a hearing into his breakup with his spouse of 58 years, who has thus far not agreed to his offer of a 50-50 financial split.Developer Harry Macklowe, 79, was in a joking mood outside a Manhattan civil courtroom Tuesday as he talked about handing his wife, Linda Macklowe, a cool $1 billion so she will sign legal papers freeing him to be with his younger French gal pal.

The giddy real estate mogul then launched into an impromptu comedy set for reporters, telling a string of “Take my wife — please”-style jokes straight from a Henny Youngman routine.

The act included several long quips such as this one:

A husband has been giving his wife incredible pleasure, beyond her wildest fantasies, for 30 years of marriage. But they always have sex with the lights off. One night she gets curious, leans over and flips the light switch on. She is shocked to see that her husband is using a vibrator on her. “I knew it, you jerk, explain the vibrator!” she says. “Explain the kids!” he says.

First off, I would like to go on record and declare that I am normally Team Wife.  Seen this scenario a thousand times.  The husband and wife have been together for decades, with him bringing in the cash, and her at home raising the kids and being a MILF.  Then, at some point, he feels like she doesn’t appreciate all his hard work and sacrifice for the family.  Coincidentally, around this time, he just so happens to get some much needed attention from a young secretary or whatever.  Meanwhile, the wife may have a few wrinkles (or not, if she is getting those $1800 Botox injections), but she is still taking care of things at home and looks damn good in the yoga pants.  Regardless, like your president does every decade or so, the husband kicks the older broad to the curb in exchange for the newer model.  That is usually where I come in, to comfort and console all those rejected 40 something MILF’s out there in their time of need.  So naturally I am Team Wife, 9 times out of 10 anyway.   Continue reading →