Gnoob Won’t Blog

We’ve been in something of a tizzy over on the String this last week as Gnoob has been regaling us with the tale of his trip to Phoenix . . . in a Sprinter Van . . . in a blizzard . . . with no headlights. I know what you are saying — sounds like a great story, what’s the issue?  Well you’re right, even though it didn’t involve Gnoob abducting a hooker, it is a riveting story.  The problem is that it is a looonnnnggg story and it took Gnoob the entire week to get the story out.  In other words, its a story made for the MWAG Blog. We tried to get him to move the sordid tale over here, but to no avail.  He said that the text string was his “medium” or some bullshit.  I really think he is just intimidated by having to prepare a proper blog post.  He is Gnoob for a reason:


Given that this is the second best String Sprinter Van story (the other one’s top secret, but Karen can verify) and since, much to our initial disappointment, it doesn’t involve Gnoob abducting a hooker or doing anything more than Gnoob being Gnoob, I have decided to share it with you since Gnoob is being a bitch and won’t do it himself.  So, without further ado, here’s the story of Gnoob’s recent trip to Phoenix.

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Viral Alert – Hi Stranger

Hi Stranger from Kirsten Lepore on Vimeo.

Really didn’t want to post this, but, as you know, I took an oath to let you guys know if something was going viral.  An oath is an oath, and this guy is definitely going viral.

I can’t explain this video, and the less said about it the better.  I will let the creepy melted candlestick looking thing do the talking.  It is burning up the internets, and once you have seen it, you can’t unsee it.  So there you go, and I can check it off my list.

If You Haven’t Seen the Giant Chicken Video Yet You Should

Alotta kids out there sayin that the giant chicken video is one of the most amazing things they have seen on the internets in awhile and it is hard to disagree.  Not as big as a horse-sized duck, but damn, that is a huge fucking chicken.  Thought I would bring this to everyone’s attention, so you aren’t surprised if you ever run across the giant chicken in person.  And damn, this guy knows how to make an entrance.  Starts off looking like a normal huge chicken coming out of his hole, and then he stands up and starts strutting around like he owns the place, which he probably does.  Very impressive.  

Viral Alert – Cash Me Ousside How Bow Dah

Quick public service announcement as to the latest stupid thing going viral.  So the story is some trashy red neck 13 year old girl went on a trashy daytime TV talk show, because her mom won’t let her have any fun, or something, because that’s a story I guess.  Our young heroine of course got into a dispute with the audience, as is customary.  When “all the whores” in the audience laughed at her, she replied “Cash me ousside how bow dah,” which translates to “Catch me outside, how about that,” which in turn translates to “In view of your expressed disdain for my comments, I would be willing to meet with you after the show outside of this facility, where we can discuss the matter further, and/or engage in a physical altercation.  What is your reaction to my offer?”  

Well, this deplorable young lady is now an internet sensation, with paparazzi following her around, and her unique dialect has been widely adopted in memes, tweets, etc., including by our own Chicago White Sox, as shown above.  That’s the internet for you.  Tape below. Continue reading

Viral Alert – Girl With No Legs?


Given my oath to keep everyone informed when something is going viral on the Internets, the picture above is the latest thing driving people outside their minds.  What the hell is going on here?  Someone is missing a pair of legs, and damned if I can tell if it is girl #2, or girl #3.  Is the picture even real, or photoshopped?  All kinds of theories floating around out there.  Click “read more” to find out the truth, or don’t, your call. Continue reading

Viral Alert – Crazy Racist Trump Bitch Caught on Video being a Crazy Racist Trump Bitch

Gotta file my report on the latest viral sensation breaking the Internets, namely, this crazy racist Trump bitch who went bat shit crazy at a craft store in Lincoln Park over the Thanksgiving weekend.  But wait, how would I know that she is a Trump voter???  Well, maybe because she claims she was “discriminated against” because she is a Trump voter, and yells at everyone in the store about how she is a Trump voter, all because she was asked to “buy a bag,” a new liberal thing in Chicago.  I don’t want to look too hard into the mind of a Trump voter for fear of falling into the abyss, but apparently that equates to discrimination in the warped minds that now run the country. Continue reading

Viral Alert – The Mannequin Challenge

After spending all my time the last few months following the Cubs and that other thing, it is time to get back in the blogging game.  So here’s a quick and easy Viral Alert to break the blogging slump.

While most of us were distracted by our long national nightmare, which is unfortunately not over, “The Mannequin Challenge” became the hot new thing on the internet streets.  The way this works is that everybody stands as still as possible in a frozen pose of some sort, and then a person roams around the scene filming everyone while a song called “Black Beatles” by Rae Sremmurd plays in the background.  Then they post it on the social media.  That’s it.  That’s all there is to it. 

Here’s an example.

How this became a thing is beyond me, but you need to be aware of it.  All the kids are doing it, of course, and even pro and college sports teams are getting in on the action, either in the locker room, on the practice field or at halftime.  The Cavs did it today with Michelle Obama at the White House and Hillary did one the other day on her campaign plane not long before the world ended.  We sure do live in interesting times, and we also have the Mannequin Challenge. Continue reading