So yesterday I tell Jake, hey we haven’t been to a Bulls game all year, we should get some tickets. Jake says cool, but he would really rather go to a hockey game.  I tell my buddies on the String to let me know if they have any extra tickets anytime soon. Mongo replies, hey, I got four for Monday night’s game that are all yours. Boom!  Here we are.  

Really appreciate the tickets, but as Mongo well knows, I’m not a big hockey fan. I was on a first date one time and actually got dumped at the game (match? contest?) for not knowing the first thing about hockey.  At one point, the LA team (kings?) scored, which I hadn’t noticed because I was in the middle of what was probably a very funny story, at least to me anyway.  Meanwhile, everyone else was being as quiet as possible, which I guess is a thing when the other team scores.  So I just kept yapping, because I was probably getting to the point in the story when not only does something hilarious happen, but we also all learn an important life lesson from it.  

I was always apparently referring to “goals” as “points,” also a sin at St. Hockey Cathedral, I learned later.  These were only two of my hockey errors (infractions?), and there were probably many more I didn’t even know about.  Well, whatever, I could tell the date was not going well by the second halftime.  (They have two halftimes at hockey games.  So stupid.)  Sure, tensions were high because it was the playoffs, but lighten up a little.  Plus she wasn’t hot enough to be that much of a hockey snob and get away with it, if we are being honest with each other.  All in all, though, it was probably a good thing to get all this out in the open up front, and just move on.  I now avoid dating hockey girls as a rule and, no offense, but from what I can tell looking around the United Center, I’m not missing much. 

Although not a huge fan, I love the spectacle of course, and drinking beer while watching sports never gets old, so I assembled an A+ squad for tonight’s hockey matchup.  Along with my main sidekick Jake, I’ve got my 21 year old daughter Molly and her boyfriend Austin.  Ready for some hockey action!!

Do you have to pay attention during the Canadian national anthem, or can I blog? Not sure of protocol here.  Ted Cruz would know.

Lady Gaga ain’t got shit on the Blackhawks national anthem bro. Damn!!

The slam is top notch at the Harris Club, and the kids are now putting the hurt on the dessert cart.  Another nice thing about the Club, everything is free.  Well, nothing is free in this life or the next, but it is already paid for, so that is sort of the same thing, at least after it is paid for. 

And the Chicago Blackhawks score!!!  1-0.

Making friends with the bartender, per usual, and he said he likes to mix it up with the Navy guy from our crew, SeaDick. 

Blackhawks have “pulled the goalie” for some reason. No idea why, but it is fun to say. You say it. 

Blackhawks currently allowed to have more players on the rink than Canada. Doesn’t really seem fair. 

Told ya it wasn’t fair. Chicago scored again. Now 2-0 and they are playing that same song again. Seems like that will get annoying fast. 

So this “Toews” guy, name is actually pronounced “Taze”. Good to know. 

The Toronto Mapleleafs.  Are there any other professional sports teams whose mascot is a plant?  How would you find out something like that?

And it’s halftime. Making some friends at the bar, which is conveniently located right behind our seats. And by right behind, I mean if my arm was a foot longer I could reach back and touch it. No, really, if I stood up and turned around and someone tripped me, accidentally or on purpose because of something I said, I would hit my head on the bar and probably get concussed. Doesn’t get more convenient than that. 

Bunch of kids are having a relay race on the court. Blue team had it won until the fat kid goalie blew it at the end. Could not stay up on his skates, which is probably why he is the goalie. Probably tough to get a shot past him, but he would not be the one anchoring my ice skating relay team, that’s for sure. 

Still halftime. Jeesh. Let’s goooooo.

So we made up a new game right before the start of the skating competition. Molly has a game that they play at college called “Brother or Boyfriend.”  The way it is played is that when you see a young couple together, you have to guess if the guy is the girl’s brother or boyfriend?  Simple enough. I came up with a game where if you see an old guy and a young girl in the Harris Club, you have to guess “Daughter or Date.”  Much better game than “Brother or Boyfriend,” and not just because I came up with it.  My new game probably blog worthy.  I should have started blogging a long time ago.  I’ve got ideas coming at me all the time, like Michael Keaton in Night Shift.

Marine Jake flying the single middle freedom rocket. 

Chicago allowed to have an extra player again, AND THEY SCORE. So unfair to the Canadian Trees. 3-0. 

SeaDick texts that I should “enjoy the dagger.”  Don’t know what that means. Jake, the kid not the bartender, explains that “the dagger” is the score that puts the game away. So that clears that up. 

Chicago goalie with an interception to keep the Canadians from scoring!! 

Chicago allowed to have more players in the game again. So unfair. 

  

So Jake was wrong, per usual. “The Dagger” refers to the song “Chelsie Dagger” they play every time Chicago scores. I stand corrected. 

If you like to hear about 10 seconds of your favorite songs, the hockey match is the place for you. 

Can’t see very well because that beer is in the way. 

And now the Canadians get to have more players in the game because Chicago was high tripping. So I guess it all works out. 

And we get another halftime!!  

Now some people are trying to shoot the puck from half court into three little holes over the goal. And this little kid hit it first time. The woman left it short. That would be embarrassing I would think.

  

Got a good picture right when Chicago scored. But they replay the video, so it’s all good. And there goes that song again!  4-0. 

Here we go again. I know the words to that song by heart now. Dut, Duda dut duda dut. 5-0. 

Damn, now it’s 6 against 4 advantage Chicago. Yep, another score and there goes that song again. I think this is the acoustic version. 6-0. 

Maybe if the Canadians wouldn’t cheat they wouldn’t find themselves in this situation. And here we go again. 7-0. Is there a mercy rule?

Toronto figured out where the other goal was, apparently. 7-1. 

Toronto scored again!  Chicago better get woke. 7-2

Two minute warning and neither squad has any timeouts left. 

  

Chicago wins, and if you hadn’t had enough yet they play the extended live version of that song. Jeesh.