So a couple weeks ago a crotchedy old man named Alan Sorrentino wrote a letter to his local paper complaining about “mature” and/or overweight women wearing yoga pants. Women did not appreciate Mr. Sorrentino’s viewpoint, so they organized a march by his house, in yoga pants, of course. Then they all did yoga together in a park, which I understand is an actual activity, where you stretch and take deep breaths, or something. In response, Mr. Sorrentino claimed he was just kidding around, and that he did not appreciate the death threats and the oppression of his free speech.
So many ways to go with this story, but here’s my hot take. Mr. Sorrentino claims that yoga pants on “mature, adult women” is “bizarre and disturbing.” That’s just flat out false. Based on my research, any older woman who wears yoga pants looks great in them. Unlike younger women, where they may or may not be the best choice, older women seem to always make the right choice on this issue. Also, the appeal of women in yoga pants has absolutely nothing to do with the age of the woman, which I think is kind of the point. Yoga pants can be the great equalizer between younger women and older women who are in great shape, and older women use this to their advantage, as they should. So this guy obviously doesn’t know what the fuck he is talking about.
Now, with respect to whether overweight women should or should not be wearing yoga pants, I definitely know better than to go there. If you study the history of yoga pants, and I have, you would know that the founder of Lululemon, the supplier of the best yoga pants in the world, was run right the fuck out of his own company a couple years ago for saying that “some women’s bodies just don’t actually work” for yoga pants. That did not go over well, and Lululemon’s stock crashed, the founder’s house was burnt to the ground and he was sent to prison on unrelated charges. I made that last part up, but he really was run out of his own company.
At any rate, I think it is best that we all come together on this issue and support ALL women in the wearing of yoga pants. You take the good with the bad. Plus, in view of the coming economic collapse, nuclear war and riots in the streets, women should at least be comfortable. And you don’t want to look like this Trump supporter, who lumps yoga pants in with the cutters, witches and idolaters, among others.