Seems like everybody is banging robots these days. In honor of this technological and sexual achievement, I have prepared this premier blog wherein I designate (in order, per usual) the Top 10 Hottest Robots.
For example, on Westworld, the robot whorehouse was a key part of the Westworld experience, and the robots were regularly getting raped and killed by the “guests.”
On Humans, sex with the synths is a major plot point throughout the series. Niska worked in a brothel in season 1, until she got fed up with getting stuffed 14 times a day. So she choked out the pervert who wanted her to act like a little girl. Now we find out that Niska is actually a lesbian robot, and regularly has sleepovers with another smoke. Also in season 1, the goofy dad entered the “adult code” for the smoking hot robot maid/babysitter Mia one night when the wife and kids were away, and then slipped it in real quick on the couch. The harridan found out, of course, and the dad is still in the shithouse for that momentary lapse of judgment.
So anyway banging robots is the hot new thing on TV these days, which got me to thinking. Hot, human-like robots have been around for awhile, but no one was having sex with them, at least as far as we knew. If they were, no one was talking about it. Kind of a taboo subject. But that didn’t stop a guy from thinking about it for a second, and wondering exactly how human a hot robot actually was, and if all the parts were in working order. But then you would gross yourself out thinking like that, because that hot babe is actually a machine. But then your mind would realize that she is not really a machine, but actually a real woman pretending to be a machine. Often your mind would get stuck in an infinite loop on the subject of smoking hot robots, to the point that it was difficult to function. At least mine would, anyway.
Well, I am pleased to announce that those days are over. Today, robots are hotter than ever, and it is perfectly fine to have sex with them if you want.
** The original post “Top 10 Hottest Robots” generated a lot of controversy, as premier blogs often do. After posting that masterpiece, I was deluged with complaints that I had left certain hot robots off the list, and that the list was “seriously flawed.” It takes a big man to admit that he was wrong. Well, I wasn’t wrong! You guys read the blog, and then wrote to me about it, so that makes YOU wrong! Having said that, in the interest of historical accuracy, I am willing to consider new evidence of hot robots that I left off the list. I acknowledge that a couple were missed who should have been included. So, the Bionic Woman, Lisa from Weird Science and Maeve from Westworld are OUT, and Ava from Ex Machina, Pris from Blade Runner and Cameron from the Terminator TV series are IN! So here’s the “Top 10 Hottest Robots 2.0”.
Still not sure if Delores from Westworld is hot or not. I get that she is the star of the show and supposed to be hot, but just seems kinda plain to me. Plus she dresses like a cowboy most of the time. Well, she is definitely a robot, so I guess that is good enough for the 10 spot.
Ava from Ex Machina generated the most controversy for being left off the list. Alotta guys are out there saying that she should have been ranked as high as number TWO! I’m just not seeing that. Ok, admittedly, I didn’t see the movie. But from what I can tell, she looks like a robot a good chunk of the time, with see through parts that expose metal and wires and shit. Definitely a turn off. Might as well get after a fence or sewer grate if you are into that kind of thing. Plus she is bald. And she looks like a twelve year old, which adds to the creepy factor. But, in deference to the guys bitching and moaning about it, I will put her on the list in the 9 spot.
I considered Pris from Blade Runner for the original list, but left her off because that clown face creeps me out. Clowns are scary, not attractive. But, I was reminded that Pris is played by Darrell Hannah, who was definitely a smoke back in the day. Plus she has a hot body, and does that flip thing where she lands on a guy’s shoulders and then crushes his head between her thighs. That wouldn’t be a bad way to go, all things considered. So given all that, Pris gets added to the list in the 8 spot.
Mia/Anita from Humans drops to #7. Still a little too robotty for my tastes, but did I mention that her “adult codes” were activated?
Although I have not seen the movie Galaxina, it looks like a hoot:
All I know about the movie is that it stars Dorothy Stratten, and she is a robot, and her dress apparently ripped right above her breasts. Dorothy Stratten was super smoking hot back in the early 80’s, before she got murdered. I think I may have seen seen her in a couple of magazines back then, if I recall correctly. Not 100% sure on that.
Totally missed this smoking hot robot on the original list. My bad. Cameron from the Terminator TV series. Haven’t seen it, but probably need to tune in. Cameron is definitely a very scary robot.
T-X, aka the Terminatrix, from Terminator 3 was definitely one bad ass robot. Don’t remember much about the movie, other than T-X arriving on the scene naked.
Niska from Humans is definitely smoking hot. And she has had a rough robot life. But you don’t want to piss her off, which can get old, but is also kind of exciting if you ask me.
2. Seven of Nine
Gotta love Seven of Nine, the Borg robot from one of the Star Trek series. Also just a great idea to dress robots in the tightest suits available, so that they are comfortable when doing robot things. Seven of Nine was played by Jeri Ryan who, you may recall, was married to Republican Jack Ryan, who lost the 2004 Illinois Senate race to Barack Obama, after it was revealed that Jack used to make Jeri go to crazy sex clubs and perform sex acts with him in public. Republicans.
1. Number Six
And the clear winner for the hottest robot ever–Number Six from Battlestar Galactica. The big change from the first Battlestar Galactica series was that some of the Ceylon robots looked like real people, and could not be distinguished from actual humans. Number Six, played by Trisha Helfer, was the sixth in the series of human copies, or something. She was a diabolical, ruthless bitch, and hot as hell. She was also having sex with that short guy, now that I think about it, so maybe I need to take back what I said earlier. Well, whatever, having sex with robots is still the hot new thing these days, you guys.