The degenerates on the String have pivoted from busting my balls about the election of their president to, as of this morning, throwing shade about my failure to blog for the last two weeks. On the former, SMH*. On the latter, I must admit they have a point. SeaDick has been posting on the regular and adding new features on the sidebar, IJ dropped his music manifesto in our eyeballs and even Angry is threatening a missive or two. I gotta stay woke if I want to maintain my position as the premiere blogger at http://www.monkeywithagunblog.com, and I do. As Kool noted, “If we wanted no blogging for two weeks Kruk would be in charge.”
So, to break the seal, here’s a quick one to get back in the game.
A 30 year old grown man in Brooklyn got mugged recently by four kids aged 8-14. Video of this crew above, and full story here. Dude? Really? Anyone on the String could handle these little fuckers.
We have long debated how many 10 year olds you could withstand if they came at you one at a time. That one really comes down to your individual stamina, and how much room you had to pile up their broken little bodies. Definitely a different situation here, as a 14 year old might be able to dish out some pain. But I still say the strategy is pretty obvious. We aren’t exactly talking about the Smitty Bacall Gang** here.
First off, you quietly punch or kick the 8 year old onto the next block. That move sets the tone, and lets the other children know that you are not going quietly into that good night. Next, you scream the most vile obscenity you can think of under the circumstances, and go after the biggest one with the heat of a thousand suns. 9 times out of 10 the other 2 run off at this point. If not, you take whatever the other two delinquents can dish out while you incapacitate their standard bearer. Next, go after the kid with the biggest mouth, just because. I would leave the last one unharmed so that he can tell the story to the other kids on the street, and to show that you are reasonable.