So we started a new tradition on Wednesday nights that we call “Bro Night Movie Night.” For Bro Night Movie Night, we pick out what we think might be a good bro movie, make some guy food like pizza or chili or tacos, and then bust balls and ass around for a couple hours watching said bro flick. All are welcome, assuming you have at least one testicle. Girls are definitely not welcome, because they would probably try to make us watch “the Notebook” or some shit. Yea, well screw that, we want to see movies where guys get shot in the face and stuff gets blown up.
Well, Jesus and Goldie are pissing and moaning because I haven’t blogged about the guy movies we have watched, because apparently I promised to do that at some point. To shut them up, here is my take on The Accountant.
The Accountant stars Ben Affleck as, you guessed it, an accountant. Probably wouldn’t be much of a movie if he was just sitting around doing tax returns, so to make it interesting they make Affleck autistic, and they give him super hero level commando skills. And instead of doing his accounting things on a yellow pad or computer like a normal person, he instead writes all his numbers all over the conference room windows. Kind of dumb at first, but it gets interesting when he starts killing people, just like in all the best bro movies.
Affleck’s love interest in the movie is another numbers nerd played by Anna Kendrick, except they never get busy because everyone knows accountants never get laid. The producers didn’t want to stretch the bounds of reality too far, I guess. Speaking of which, I shocked and awed the younger bro’s during the movie with my brilliant observation that in every movie there is always at least a 10 year age difference between the lead actor and actress, and often 15 years or more. We checked my math, and sure enough, Affleck is 44 and Kendrick is 31. Never fails. Looks normal in the movie because we are used to it, but try that in real life and you catch holy hell. Unless you are Mongo, and even he gets his fair share. But I digress.
Anyway, The Accountant is a pretty good bro movie, I guess, and I will give it 3 stars (out of 5). It’s no Goodfella’s, and I would have gone 4 if Anna Kendrick was hotter, but she isn’t so I won’t. Gotta stay woke during the movie to catch everything, but if you don’t see the big twist that comes at the end then you are an idiot. Called that one too.