Having been duly appointed Communications Director by someone with the apparent authority to do so, and with the enumeration of certain rights not being construed to deny or disparage other rights retained by the people, U.S. Const. Amend. IX, I hereby declare and decree that the following future uncertainties shall be the official Prop Bets for Super Bowl 50.

First off, here is the official line on the game for the normal bets, approved by Kool:

     Winner of Game – Denver +6.0; Denver 2:1

     Total Score O/U – 44.5

The following are the official Prop Bet odds for betting amongst ourselves.  Not that I need to explain myself, but I collected the odds from multiple sources, and then averaged and rounded the moneyline bets, for and against, to translate to odds with no house advantage, bro to bro.  Note that the team or option listed is GETTING THE ODDS, not the favorite.  “Denver 4:3” means that if you take Denver, you get 4 to 3 odds, and the guy on the other side of the bet pays the odds.  Duh.  Don’t be a fucking idiot, for a change.

1.     Length of time for National Anthem O/U – 2:20

       (“first note” to the “conclusion of ‘brave’”)

2.     Coin Toss Team Winner – EVEN

3.     Coin Toss Heads or Tails – EVEN

4.     First Team to Score – Denver 4:3

5.     Gender of kid that gets ball on FIRST Carolina TD – Boy or Girl

6.     Score in the first 1 minute 30 seconds of 1Q – YES 11:1

7.     Score in the first 3 minutes 30 seconds of 1Q – YES 8:1

8.     First Scoring Play of 1st Half – FG or Safety EVEN

         (if no score, no winner)

9.     First Team to Get a Penalty – EVEN

10.     First Team to Call a Timeout – EVEN

11.    First Quarter Ends in a Tie – YES 6:1

12.     First Coldplay Song During Halftime Show

            Adventure of a Lifetime – 2:1

            Sky Full of Stars – 3:1

            Viva la Vida – 3:1

            Fix You – 4:1 

            Clocks – 7:1

            Speed of Sound – 8:1

            Head Full of Dreams – 9:1

            Paradise – 9:1

            Other – 15:1

13.  Color of Beyonce’s Footwear During Halftime Show

            Black 1:1

            Gold/Brown  2:1

            White  2:1

            Silver/Grey  4:1

            Any other  5:1

            (predominant color if mixed)

14.    Will Beyonce Show Cleavage? – NO 5:1

15.     Will Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders be mentioned by game announcers during game? – YES 3:2

16.     First Scoring Play of 2d Half – FG or Safety EVEN

            (if no score, no winner)

17.     Successful 2 Point Conversion in Game – YES 3:1

18.     Will Peyton Manning announce retirement in postgame interview? – YES 7:1

19.     Will Peyton Manning be seen crying at any time during broadcast? – YES 8:1

20.     Number of times Cam Newton does the Superman Open Shirt move during game O/U – 2

21.     Who will SB MVP mention first?

            His Imaginary God  1:1

            Team or specific teammate 1:1

            City/Fans 5:1

            Coach  6:1

            Family  12:1

            None of the above mentioned  3:2

Place your bets, you animals.