In case you hadn’t noticed, the two leading Republican candidates for president are in a Twitter war concerning how hot their wives are. First off, no way Lyin’ Ted wins that battle, and that’s just a fact. Lyin’ Ted knows that, so he’s being a little bitch and taking the passive aggressive route, claiming that Trump is a “sniveling coward” for attacking his wife. Absolutely fascinating, and just the latest craziness as the Republican party self destructs.
This whole thing started earlier this week when a Super PAC supporting Lyin’ Ted called “Make America Awesome” circulated a picture of Trump’s hot wife Melania to Mormons in advance of the Utah caucuses on Tuesday:
Apparently the thinking was that Mormons would be offended that Trump has a hot wife who gets naked and rolls around in fur while people take pictures of her, and then they wouldn’t vote for Trump, or something. Maybe that helps with the Mormon vote, I have no idea. But for the rest of the country, I don’t see how this hurts Trump at all, and probably helps with some people. So basically a really stupid move to begin with by the Cruz Super PAC.
The Make America Awesome Super PAC is run by Liz Mair, a conservative woman who is trying to be the younger, brunette version of Ann Coulter. I had heard of her because Mair goes on all the liberal talk shows like Hardball and Bill Maher and unloads holy hellfire on Trump on a nightly basis. So I kind of like her, in a “the enemy of my enemy is my friend” sort of way. Also watched her take Ann Coulter down a few notches on Hardball, which was fun. Coulter is supporting Trump, and actually the brains behind the entire theory of the Trump campaign, which is basically to get more racists to vote on election day. I digress, per usual, but here are Liz Mair and Ann Coulter on Hardball when Mair told Coulter that she wasn’t really a conservative. Great stuff.
So Trump sees the Melania ad, and he has to feign offense, even though you know goddamn well he wasn’t offended in the slightest. Hell, he would have run the ad of his hot naked wife himself if he had thought of it first. Regardless, he tweets the following at Lyin’ Ted.
Classic Trump response. He can’t let ANYTHING go, even if it helps him, and then makes a veiled threat that he is going to “spill the beans” about Cruz’s wife. What does that even mean? No one really knows what Trump is going to “spill the beans” about, least of all probably him.
So then Lyin’ Ted responds with this:
In this response, Lyin’ Ted is saying he is not responsible for the actions of the Super PAC, which demonstrates everything that is so wrong about the whole Super PAC concept. A candidate can accept the benefits of whatever a Super PAC does, but disavow them when things go south, which is what happened here. But wait, it gets better.
If I’m Trump, I declare victory at this point. He’s got the picture of his hot naked wife out there all over the Internets promoting his key messsage that he is the guy with the most money, the hottest wife, the nicest house, the best jet and the biggest . . . hands. Lyin’ Ted has responded with a weak “don’t be mean to my wife” tweet, and a lawerly distinction between him and his Super PAC. Trump 1, Cruz 0. But does Trump declare victory and let it go, of course not. Last night, Trump retweeted this:
Brutal. Absolutely brutal. Basically Trump telling Cruz “My wife is hotter than yours.” And its not like everyone didn’t already know this, but to actually say it?!?!? No one does that in a civilized society. But now we have the leading Republican candidate for president doing it. That is a YUGE sign of insecurity, my friends, and likely some form of mental disorder. How would Trump react to a perceived slight from Putin or whoever is in charge in Chinaland, when Trump’s finger won’t be on the Twitter send button but nuclear missiles? Give that some thought, Trumpkins.
But wait, it gets even better. Here’s Cruz’s response:
Here, Cruz thinks he is taking the high road. No Ted, now you are just being a little bitch, and Trump tricked you into insulting your own wife! Lyin’ Ted wants to play the victim card, and step into the high heeled shoes of his wife and be all offended. Classic passive aggressive move, and like Trump, a sign of insecurity. Do we want Cruz getting bitch slapped around like this by Putin or whoever is charge in Chinaland? Hell, that fat North Korean dude would probably have Cruz whining and crying like a little baby just by telling him his wife is ugly. Trump just gave the entire world the playbook on turning Cruz, a potential US president, into a little bitch.
Because here is the worst of it. Cruz responds that Melania is “lovely” (to put it mildly), but his own wife is “the love of my life.” OUCH. Right there, Cruz acknowledges that his wife is ugly. This was an unforced error of the first order of magnitude. Cruz doesn’t dispute that his wife is not attractive, but she is nonetheless “the love of my life.” Wow! I’m sure that is going over well in the Cruz household. SO MANY OTHER WAYS HE COULD HAVE PLAYED THIS, but Cruz’s response was to acknowledge that his wife is ugly, play the victim card and take solace in the fact that he loves his wife. Tells you all you need to know about Cruz right there.
Ok, so how could Cruz have responded? So many options, and all better than the way he did respond. How about these possibilities:
HEY DONALD, got my wife in the US of A! Where did you order yours from?
HEY DONALD, if you don’t have 10 Billion dollars (allegedly), you think Melania gives you the time of day? Think about that and get back to me.
HEY DONALD, some people fall in love with a smoking hot wife like Heidi, have kids and stick with her and the family for life. You?
HEY DONALD, GFYSLF!
HEY DONALD, at least I don’t rape my wife.
HEY DONALD, seriously, you think Melania is really interested in your little . . . hands?
I could go on, but you get the idea.
Anyway, this is all certainly entertaining, you have to admit that.