Month: November 2016

Kool is a Bad Influence

/ SeaDick / Leave a comment

UPDATED WITH REAL TIME RESULTS BELOW
So there I am, minding my own business, when my phone chirps.  Thinking that its probably one of the thousands of daily texts from the String, I don’t immediately pay any attention to it, but when I do, I see that it is a problem.  It’s not a text from the String, its a side-text from Kool and that can only mean trouble.  Not bad trouble obviously, but the good trouble that Kool is notorious for.  More specifically, the kind of trouble that’s gonna cause me to stop paying attention to work, family or anything other than your typical Kool trouble for awhile — gambling.  Kool’s first text is this:

http://espnmediazone.com/us/press-releases/2016/09/13-games-featured-espns-ninth-annual-college-hoops-tip-off-marathon/

He follows that up with:  “Could be interesting,” which is obvious code for “you’re loser if you don’t bet on all 13 of the college basketball games that are being played tomorrow.”

You see where this is going right.  Here are the picks:

Kool

Bama -1 — LOSE

Hawaii -6 — LOSE

Sparty +7.5 — LOSE (x2 as Kool was chasin and decided to double the bet)

BYU -4 — WIN

Winthrop PK — WIN

Oregon -1 — LOSE

SeaDick

Zags -10 — WIN

Duke -2.5 — LOSE

Pacific +2 — WIN

Stephen F. Austin -18 — LOSE

Hartford  PK — WIN

Giddy Up

Final Tally — SeaDick 8 wins, Kool 4, Giddy up indeed.

Bears Can’t Catch the Crab Thief

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jameis-scramble

Might have been a couple blocks in the back in the end zone, but DAMN what a play today by Jameis.

Jameis, by the way, stood on a table in college in 2014 and yelled “Fuck her right in the pussy!”  He got a one game suspension.  Trump said he just “Grabs them by the pussy,” and you can do that “when you’re a star.”  We elected him president.  What a world. 

I Gotta Weigh In On the Yoga Pants Controversy

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yoga-pants-letter

So a couple weeks ago a crotchedy old man named Alan Sorrentino wrote a letter to his local paper complaining about “mature” and/or overweight women wearing yoga pants.  Women did not appreciate Mr. Sorrentino’s viewpoint, so they organized a march by his house, in yoga pants, of course.  Then they all did yoga together in a park, which I understand is an actual activity, where you stretch and take deep breaths, or something.  In response, Mr. Sorrentino claimed he was just kidding around, and that he did not appreciate the death threats and the oppression of his free speech. Continue reading →

Fergie is Back and She Brought Her Hot Mom Friends

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Although the String may be real time, the Monkey with a Gun blog certainly is not.  Time to catch up on some things we missed while Donald Trump was destroying America.  Glad to have Seadick back in the game, and looking forward to some quality drunken content from Irish Jesus.

As the resident expert on age appropriate smokes, it is my responsibility to drop this masterpiece in everyone’s eyeball.  If you turn the volume all the way down, this is just a great video.  Fergie and her hot mom friends basically just dance around and pour milk on themselves and tease the milkman with their Fergaliciousness.  Genius! Continue reading →

Question of the Day

/ SeaDick / Leave a comment

If you could be anyone else in the world who would it be?

To be clear, I mean if you could trade bodies with any living human being, who would you trade with?  And none of that “I’m comfortable with who I am BS.”  Gotta switch.

I know what you are thinking.  “Well SeaDick, you go first.  Who would you pick?”  I’m glad you asked — Dustin Johnson.

https://www.instagram.com/p/BMscXp5jq3k/?taken-by=paulinagretzky