Seadick just hit me up to get some prop bets down on the “Big Game” tomorrow. I took tails, obviously, and he took the under on the National Anthem, thinking that P!nk’s claim that she got the flu is gonna speed things along. But then when we want to bet on some more, like what color shirt Belichick will wear, or what color of Gatorade gets dumped on the winning coach, we are kinda stuck. Neither of us is going to give the other the advantageous house odds, of course, so what the hell are a couple guys to do.
The problem, per usual, is translating published house odds into bro to bro odds, with no advantage to either side. Well that’s where I come in. I have scoured the Internets collecting odds, and then averaged and rounded the moneyline bets, removing the house advantage factor, and converting that to fractional odds that even idiots and young children can understand. If it was close, I just called it EVEN, or rounded up for the underdog, and moved on, because no reason to overthink it, or anything else, really. Finally, some odds I just made up if the math was too hard, if we are being honest with one another.
So, with those qualifications, the following are the 100% absolutely correct “Bro to Bro” prop bet odds for Super Bowl LII.
NOTE: The team or option listed is GETTING THE ODDS, not the favorite. Keeps it simple. So, “BLUE 5:2” means that if you bet BLUE, you get 5 to 2 odds, and the guy on the other side pays the 5 to 2 odds. Get it?
First off, the official String line on the game and the O/U are:
EAGLES 7:4 (no points)
Now for the props:
1. Length of time for National Anthem O/U – 2:00 EVEN
Studies have shown that more people bet on the length of the National Anthem than the game itself. I just made that up, and I am sure it is not true, but it’s ok to just make shit like that up because that is what your president does, so why can’t we? Average length of the National Anthem for last 12 Super Bowls was 1:58, and that fact is actually true. But the money is pouring in on the over, even though P!nk claims to have the flu. I don’t put much stock in that bullshit, and P!nk put on a concert just last night. I say she milks it for as long as possible, and that’s why I’m pounding the over.
2. P!nk airborne at any point during National Anthem – YES 4:1
3. P!nk forgets or omits word from National Anthem – NO ACTION
No odds on this one. I don’t want to have to listen that carefully, and too easy to end up in a dispute. Same goes for the number of times anybody or thing is mentioned during game, or how many times they show the Rocky statue during game. Ain’t got time to pay attention to that shit.
4. P!nk says “EAGLES” before, during or after the National Anthem – YES 2:1
I like this bet, and by that I mean it is interesting, not that I like one side or the other. P!nk is supposedly a huge Eagles fan, but her dad was also military, and she will not take the singing of the Anthem lightly. The odds should actually be 7:4, but I made them 2:1 to get the action. And the math is easier.
5. P!nk wears Eagles shirt or hat while singing the National Anthem – YES 5:2
Real odds are actually 2.1 to 1, but I rounded up. See above.
6. QB shown first on TV during National Anthem – Nick Foles 2:1
7. Coin Toss Team Winner – EVEN
8. Coin Toss Heads or Tails – EVEN
9. Color of Belichick’s Shirt at Kickoff – NOT BLUE 2:1
10. Will Ava show up to my house by Kickoff? – YES 3:2
11. First team to score – EAGLES 3:2
12. Score in the first 1 minute 30 seconds of 1Q – YES 10:1
13. First Scoring Play of 1st Half – FG or Safety – EVEN
(if no score, no winner)
14. First Team to Get a Penalty – EVEN
15. First Team to Call a Timeout – EVEN
16. First Quarter Ends in a Tie – YES 7:1
17. Will Justin Timberlake be Wearing Hat at Start of Halftime Performace – YES 5:4
18. Will Bronson Shit, Piss or Vomit on the Floor during Game? – YES 3:1
18. Will Bella Shit, Piss or Vomit on the Floor during Game? – YES 100:1
19. First Scoring Play of 2d Half – FG or Safety EVEN
20. Successful 2 Point Conversion in Game – YES 4:1
21. Who will Super Bowl MVP mention first:
His Imaginary God – 2:1
Team or specific teammate – 1:1
City/Fans – 3:1
Coach – 4:1
Family member – 9:1
None of the above mentioned – 4:1
22. Any Super Bowl MVP mention of “God” – NO 3:1
Adding this one by popular demand. If the MVP does not mention or thank God at all, that is paying 3 to 1. “God” means any religious reference–God, gob, Jesus, Allah, the man upstairs, etc.–even though, as IJ was quick to point out, Jesus is not God.
Place your bets, you animals.