Several hundred fans of the Monkey With a Gun blog have written in to note that all of the songs on the new feature “Lost Tracks” had something to do with blondes. First, it was Concrete Blonde, and then yesterday, 4 Non Blondes. My first thought was, that’s ridiculous, yesterday had absolutely nothing to do with blondes because the 4 Non Blondes are “NON Blondes.” How could a NON blonde have anything to do with blondes? Does NOT breathing have anything to do with breathing? Is it me? It’s them, right? Continue reading
Author: Idyt
Marco Rubio Uses Images of Canada in New Campaign Ad, Is an Idiot
Marco Rubiobot just dropped a new campaign ad called “Morning Again in America.” The ad features a bunch of depressing pictures and sad people, lamenting how terrible things are under “this president” and his accomplice Hillary Clinton. The first depressing scene of America, however, isn’t America at all, but our good friends up north in CANADA. Whoops. Continue reading
Wall Posters – Farrah Fawcett
Seadick just invented a new feature for Monkey with a Gun that he calls “Wall Posters,” where you post a famous poster of a hot babe that we had hanging on our wall in our younger days, and then follow up with a picture of where she is now. As I often say, I have never had an original idea in my life, but I know a great idea when I hear one. Continue reading
Lost Tracks – What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes
Welcome back to our new feature that I invented yesterday to help us get through the next couple weeks, that time of year after the Super Bowl that is recognized throughout the world as the absolute worst time of year. The time of year when the days just keep getting shorter, and everyone stresses about their March Madness picks, but can’t do anything about it because the bracket isn’t even determined yet. The time of year when the stock of the companies that sell anti-depressants skyrockets at least 35%, and everyone stockpiles gold, bullets and gasoline in preparation for the coming apocalypse. You could hold me underwater until I thought of something good to say about this time of year, but I would just thrash around like a fish out of water, except the opposite, because fish breathe water and I breathe air. Continue reading
Ice Skating Contest – Live Blog
So yesterday I tell Jake, hey we haven’t been to a Bulls game all year, we should get some tickets. Jake says cool, but he would really rather go to a hockey game. I tell my buddies on the String to let me know if they have any extra tickets anytime soon. Mongo replies, hey, I got four for Monday night’s game that are all yours. Boom! Here we are. Continue reading
Cubs Predicted to Win the Most Games in MLB and Now I Have Something to Look Forward To
So, after a depressing morning listening to Concrete Blonde, this just came in over the interweb. Holy Cow! Cubs are predicted to have the most wins in baseball this season! Continue reading
On Nicknames and All That
If you read the scientific literature, and I have, guys use nicknames to establish dominance over one another. The guy giving the nickname effectively strips the other guy of his very identity, and assigns him a new name. Brutal if you think about it. Continue reading
Lost Tracks – Joey by Concrete Blonde
So I’m starting a new feature called “Lost Tracks” to get us through what I think everyone will agree is the absolute worst time of the year. The Super Bowl is over, Valentine’s Day is depressing, the weather sucks, March Madness hasn’t started yet and baseball is a month and a half away. Really nothing whatsoever to recommend this section of the calendar. You could pull my fingernails out one by one until I identified a worse time of the year and I would bleed out from the ends of my fingers and thumbs. Continue reading
Super Delegates, BITCHES!!
Sorry Bernlievers out there, but the election for Democratic nominee for president is already over. One word: Super Delegates!! Continue reading
Valentine’s Day is Stupid, You Guys
“Marriage responds to the universal fear that a lonely person might call out and find no one there.” – Justice Anthony Kennedy, Obergefell v. Hodges Continue reading
Monkey With A Gun 