Welcome back to our award winning new feature that I invented this week that used to be called “Lost Tracks” and had to be renamed “Blonde Tracks” because all of the lost tracks were about blondes. I came up with this feature to get us through the worst time of the year, that time when post-NFL depression sets in and there are no sports to watch that don’t totally suck. The time of the year when the temperature rarely gets above negative 40 degrees on either the Fahrenheit or Celsius scale, which is of course the same at negative 40 degrees. I could lick a frozen flag pole and you could stand next to me with a pot of warm water offering to pour it on my tongue if I named a worse time of year, but I couldn’t do it because there isn’t a worse time of year and because you can’t really talk with your tongue frozen to a flag pole. Continue reading
The Pope Declared that Trump is NOT a Christian So THAT Settles THAT
Pope Francis just declared that Donald Trump is NOT a Christian, so end of discussion on that topic, right? Continue reading
Blonde Tracks – Heart of Glass By Blondie
Several hundred fans of the Monkey With a Gun blog have written in to note that all of the songs on the new feature “Lost Tracks” had something to do with blondes. First, it was Concrete Blonde, and then yesterday, 4 Non Blondes. My first thought was, that’s ridiculous, yesterday had absolutely nothing to do with blondes because the 4 Non Blondes are “NON Blondes.” How could a NON blonde have anything to do with blondes? Does NOT breathing have anything to do with breathing? Is it me? It’s them, right? Continue reading
Pipes is a Hypocrite — Hillary Uses Pictures of France in her Campaign Ad
Marco Rubio Uses Images of Canada in New Campaign Ad, Is an Idiot
Marco Rubiobot just dropped a new campaign ad called “Morning Again in America.” The ad features a bunch of depressing pictures and sad people, lamenting how terrible things are under “this president” and his accomplice Hillary Clinton. The first depressing scene of America, however, isn’t America at all, but our good friends up north in CANADA. Whoops. Continue reading
Wall Posters – Farrah Fawcett
Seadick just invented a new feature for Monkey with a Gun that he calls “Wall Posters,” where you post a famous poster of a hot babe that we had hanging on our wall in our younger days, and then follow up with a picture of where she is now. As I often say, I have never had an original idea in my life, but I know a great idea when I hear one. Continue reading
Wall Posters
In the first of what I expect will be a regular feature here on Monkey With A Gun, and because Angry has a thing for the relics, we here at the Monkey thought it would be interesting to see what happened to those people that we had posters of on our wall in our bedrooms as teens. I won’t get into why we had them up there because, well you know why and don’t really want or need to explain it. So, without further ado, here’s the first:
Cheryl Tiegs
A classic right? Ms. Tiegs is now 68. Here’s a recent photo.
Lost Tracks – What’s Up by 4 Non Blondes
Welcome back to our new feature that I invented yesterday to help us get through the next couple weeks, that time of year after the Super Bowl that is recognized throughout the world as the absolute worst time of year. The time of year when the days just keep getting shorter, and everyone stresses about their March Madness picks, but can’t do anything about it because the bracket isn’t even determined yet. The time of year when the stock of the companies that sell anti-depressants skyrockets at least 35%, and everyone stockpiles gold, bullets and gasoline in preparation for the coming apocalypse. You could hold me underwater until I thought of something good to say about this time of year, but I would just thrash around like a fish out of water, except the opposite, because fish breathe water and I breathe air. Continue reading
No One Ever Changed Their Mind Because of Your Facebook Post
You know who you are. Cut it out. That is all.
Feel the Burn
Bad news for Bern. That well-known right wing rag, the NY Times, quoting died in the wool conservative economists like Austan Goolsbee and Paul Krugman, says his healthcare plans will cost $30 trillion.
That’s with a “T” as in Titanic or ‘no fooking way.
The Narcissist is also mentioned. His bullshit plans are almost as bad. $15 Trillion over 10 years. He is many things – liar, blowhard, braggart, asshole, etc. – but a conservative he is not. Maybe he will get Mexico to pay for it.
Monkey With A Gun 