Welcome back to the internationally acclaimed Monkey With a Gun daily feature called Blonde Tracks, and by daily feature I mean the days I post something. The Blonde Tracks help us get through the worst time of the year after the Super Bowl and before Pi Day, which is 3-14 if you are a mathematical idiot. You could deny me access to a bathroom until I named a worse time of year and I would end up in a situation not unlike Fergie in this picture: Continue reading
Author: Idyt
The 2016 Minnesota High School Hockey Hair Awards just dropped, you guys
Less than twelve hours after I provided advance notice, that dude up in Minnesota has dropped his 2016 Minnesota High School Hockey Hair Awards. The video is 8 minutes of hilarity, per usual. Some great Minnesota stuff too this year, like butter sculptures and a restaurant with all you can drink milk. Definitely above average, like all the kids in Minnesota. Continue reading
Justice Clarence Thomas Got Woke
In case you missed it in all the other political excitement this week, Justice Clarence Thomas asked a question of a lawyer during oral argument at the Supreme Court this week. Thomas’ questioning was a big deal because he had not asked a question during oral argument in TEN YEARS. What inspired him to speak up? The answer to that question shows exactly where we are on gun rights, and why the current fight for the next Supreme Court justice is so important. Continue reading
Minnesota Hockey Hair
I am blogging this topic for one reason and one reason only, and that is to get the drop on SeaDick. In the next few days, some dude up in Minnesota will drop a video that he will call the 2016 Minnesota State High School All Hockey Hair Team. It will be hilarious, and strange, and it will come close to breaking the internets. Continue reading
Daughter or Date?
Daughter
Date
We have a new family game that, if I had to predict, might go viral and take down the internets. The new game is called Daughter or Date?
The way Daughter or Date? is played is whenever you are out in public and see an old guy and a young girl, you have to try and guess if the girl is the guy’s daughter, or the guy’s date. You look for clues one way or the other, and it is not uncommon to take a secret photo and then send it around the family string to get everyone’s opinion. Epic new game, with lots of strategery involved. Continue reading
Blonde Tracks – Like a Prayer by Madonna
Welcome back to the world famous daily blog we call Blonde Tracks, which used to be called Lost Tracks, but now is called Blonde Tracks. These Blonde Tracks help us to get through what everyone recognizes is the absolute worst time of the year–that time of the year after the Super Bowl and before March Madness starts when there is no excuse whatsoever to drink, but you drink anyway, so you look like a damn alcoholic. You could withhold the Bud Light and only allow me to drink warm cucumber beer until I named a worse time of year, and although I would certainly cite the Reinheitsgebot in protest, I’d be drinking cucumber beer, I guess. Continue reading
Super Tuesday Gambling Results
Like me, SeaDick is an astute follower of the political scene, as you can probably tell if you read this blog. Where I lean a little to the left, SeaDick leans a little to the right. He denies he is a Republican, and who wouldn’t deny being a Republican with the shitshow that they are putting on these days. Instead, SeaDick says he is “socially liberal, fiscally conservative,” which probably means he doesn’t hate the gays and the Muslims, but is selfish with his tax dollars. I call that the reasonable wing of the Republican party, because their position at least makes sense. Although heartless and cruel, they are at least intellectually respectable in my book, and tend to deal in facts, at least until you mention climate change. Continue reading
Live Blog – Springsteen Concert
When I left Bloomington today I took a wrong turn and I just kept going. Ended up in Louisville, where there is apparently a Springsteen concert tonight. Might as well stick around and see what’s up. And since I’m by myself, might as well blog it. Continue reading
Blonde Tracks – One of Us by Joan Osborne
Welcome back to our award winning new feature that I invented this week that used to be called “Lost Tracks” and had to be renamed “Blonde Tracks” because all of the lost tracks were about blondes. I came up with this feature to get us through the worst time of the year, that time when post-NFL depression sets in and there are no sports to watch that don’t totally suck. The time of the year when the temperature rarely gets above negative 40 degrees on either the Fahrenheit or Celsius scale, which is of course the same at negative 40 degrees. I could lick a frozen flag pole and you could stand next to me with a pot of warm water offering to pour it on my tongue if I named a worse time of year, but I couldn’t do it because there isn’t a worse time of year and because you can’t really talk with your tongue frozen to a flag pole. Continue reading
The Pope Declared that Trump is NOT a Christian So THAT Settles THAT
Pope Francis just declared that Donald Trump is NOT a Christian, so end of discussion on that topic, right? Continue reading
Monkey With A Gun 