So on my way to get some caffeine this morning I encountered the protesters outside Planned Parenthood, and by on my way I mean about a mile out of my way so that I could hassle the protesters outside Planned Parenthood. I was hoping there would be a bunch of hot babes counter protesting with whom I could join ranks and chant along, maybe even get a pink stocking cap. But alas, what luck have I? It was just me on the side of all that is right and good, so I did my best under the circumstances. Am I a hero? Who’s to say. But yes, yes I am. Continue reading
Your President is Waiting for the EASY D
You couldn’t make this shit up if you tried. Why isn’t anyone watching this buffoon? Trump is waiting for the EASY D!
Reset the counter again today.

Viral Alert – Cash Me Ousside How Bow Dah
Quick public service announcement as to the latest stupid thing going viral. So the story is some trashy red neck 13 year old girl went on a trashy daytime TV talk show, because her mom won’t let her have any fun, or something, because that’s a story I guess. Our young heroine of course got into a dispute with the audience, as is customary. When “all the whores” in the audience laughed at her, she replied “Cash me ousside how bow dah,” which translates to “Catch me outside, how about that,” which in turn translates to “In view of your expressed disdain for my comments, I would be willing to meet with you after the show outside of this facility, where we can discuss the matter further, and/or engage in a physical altercation. What is your reaction to my offer?”
Well, this deplorable young lady is now an internet sensation, with paparazzi following her around, and her unique dialect has been widely adopted in memes, tweets, etc., including by our own Chicago White Sox, as shown above. That’s the internet for you. Tape below. Continue reading
Blonde Tracks – Oops!…I Did It Again by Britney
Kicking off the Blonde Tracks a few days early this year because, well, you guys need to be put on notice of a certain situation that happened last night. And it happened to a blonde, who just happens to sing while being hot, and everything else in the world pretty much sucks. So I decided, what the hell, let’s just kickoff the Blonde Tracks a few days early this year.
As the long time followers of MWAG know, the Blonde Tracks are an award winning feature that helps us get through what is universally recognized as the worst time of the year–that time of year after the Super Bowl (approximately) and before March Madness starts, when you get depressed because football is over and there is nothing fun to do that doesn’t involve being cold, baseball is still a couple months away and there are no good sports to watch that don’t totally blow, and which also includes Valentines Day, which is a real holiday but is stupid, see here, and this year, I am sure, will be an epic disaster of nightmare proportions. If you texted mean and spiteful messages to me until I named a time of year that sucked more, well, I hope you have Ultra-Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder so that you can keep coming up with new and hateful things to say every goddamn day because I could not name a worse time of year. Continue reading
Happy Groundhog Day

Since many people get their fake news from the MWAG, I am putting you all on notice that Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow today. As if things couldn’t get any worse, that supposedly means 6 more weeks of winter. Great. Continue reading
We Can All Learn Some Important Life Lessons from this 20 Second Video
Kind of a metaphor for life, this video. When you fall down, you gotta get back up. No one ever drowned from falling into the water, but from staying there, or something. But then just when get back up and dust yourself off, down you go again. And then Trump gets elected. What a world.
I’ve Done It Again. Don’t Even Care.

Made the Urban Dictionary again, you guys. Not even the joy of redefining the English language helps to get through the pain of this day. Carry on.
12/7/41 11/22/63 12/8/80 9/11/01 5/20/11 3/30/12 1/20/17
Trying my best not to be a whiny little bitch about all this, and maybe even get some laughs out of it somehow, but Jesus Fucking Christ you guys, the white supremacists are declaring “We did it!” WTF?!?!? If that doesn’t give you pause while celebrating your upcoming tax break, well, Gob* help you. Continue reading
Happy Deplorables Day!!!

I woke up to a bunch of congratulatory texts today–feels like my birthday!! So excited. Just a great day to be an American! Congradulations President Trump ,and please tell those masons you got lined up along the Arizona border to commence building of the wall! What a great day for white people. Free at last! Continue reading
Viral Alert – Salt Bae
I made some steaks and Ore Ida shoestring fries last night without cutting off any parts of my hand (nbd). When serving this feast, The Savage started tossing salt all over the fucking place like a damn weirdo, much to everyone’s amusement and cheers of “SALT BAE!!!” Caught unawares, per usual, I demanded to know what the hell “SALT BAE” (pronounced “bay,” means “before anyone else”) meant. Well, apparently we have a hot new thing on the Internet streets, a guy many are out there saying is the first Internet sensation of 2017. So it is my sworn duty to report it. More video below. Continue reading